we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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