sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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