I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So squirting runs in the family.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
