hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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