well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
should my penis look like a turkey
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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