Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
