the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
