the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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