The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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