i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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