2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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