You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
