im drinking this country out of the recession.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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