He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
