I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
