I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The struggles of a small town man whore
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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