My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
