ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
