Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
