I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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