update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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