I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
