Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
