how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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