Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
