I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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