You just made me feel so damn special
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
