well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
