I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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