you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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