I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
