We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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