I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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