I wish I could teleport
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
