My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
