First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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