she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
