I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
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Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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