4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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