True but thats because hes a fetus.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
