Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
