I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
