There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
