its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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