then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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