I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
