if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
