Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
