I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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