Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
