i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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