dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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