I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
organizing the empties. That sober.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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