11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
