I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
